Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 3

I cut my own hair (for the first time since I was like 5) this week. I had one of those days on Thursday where I just wanted to hide under my covers until Friday, and I did. And when Friday came along, I found myself to have survived what had gone on and just took a pair of scissors and lopped off the hair.

It's not really a new start. I've had plenty of those. But its kind of a reminder that I am fully capable of doing things myself. Even something as silly has a haircut.

BTW- That diet I had planned for myself? PLLBBTTT! (is that the proper "raspberry sound effect" spelling?) Our fridge is broken. How can I store healthy food without a cooling unit? Oh well. :P

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 2

I'm not gonna lie. My job leaves me feeling drained and cranky... angry at humanity for treating me and the rest of the managers and booksellers like we aren't people. Like we exist to serve them... and are able to discount the world for them. Perhaps living in southern Orange County (home of the "Real House Wives of Orange County") makes my customers feel more entitled, but ugh. Really? "I want a damage discount on this book because it's the last one on the shelf."

After work, usually, I go home and nap. And nap. Dreaming of beautiful things. And this week's picture is me after my nap (hand carefully placed to block part of my double chin :P).

I almost didn't post a picture. Thinking "Ugh. I just want this day to be over." But. Blogging/journaling makes me feel better. Just like beading... painting... drawing. Reading a good book. Snuggling.

I started keeping a regular journal. I've tried doing it in the past only to just give up after a week or two. This journal I keep is a bit different. I write down all the positive things that have happened to me that day. Today will be no different. Because, no matter how crappy the customers are at work, there are still those customers who make you laugh and feel like you're doing a good job. And there are highlights to my day that have nothing to do with Miss Cranky-Pants Customer... the kind of person who can just ruin your shift.

One thing about today I will share with you: I found a book of puppies. Just a simple bargain book with nothing but Labrador Retriever puppies being weighed. And it made me smile. Because I love puppies.

THOUGHTS ON THURSDAY: A New Year

This week, at my store, I put together the huge theme table that is supposed to be giving people exactly what they're looking for this time of year. Over Christmas, it was half humor and half FOOD books. And it was a hit. Now? ALL DIET BOOKS.

I know that with the new year coming, more and more people decide that now is the time to start a new diet. And I have to admit that I am falling prey to the "Man, I need to lose weight" train of thought. I could stand to lose a few pounds. Maybe more than a few pounds. It would not only help my health but probably my wallet as "big girl" clothes are WAY more expensive than "tiny girl" clothes. Which, personally, I think sucks but eh.

I've always been fuller than most girls. I've never been "thin." But I haven't always thought of myself as "fat." And it doesn't help that my parents call me fat, too (cultural thing, I'm told... to call people fat and call them out on their flaws like if they forgot to tweeze or don't have the money or time to wax their upper lip). Or that I live in the land of the beautiful: OC, CA.

Overall, I'm happy with my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I get to create things in my free time. I have loving siblings and a nephew who is just a bag of giggles. And I have a job...

But... I do compare myself too often to other girls and wish I weren't so big. Maybe when Monday rolls around (they say not to start a diet/exercise routine at the end of a week- new years is on Friday), maybe I'll try to think more positively about myself and about life. Oh, I'll try to be a bit healthier as well and maybe start a work-out routine, but I think more importantly, I should change the way I think... and my attitude about things.

Hmm... I have tiny hands. Take that, tiny girls.