5/15 Tuesday

-Last week was a rough week. The boyfriend's car died and I had to drive him around which I was happy to do except he was stressed which made me stressed and for two people living paycheck to paycheck, the amount that was spent on gas set all my bills back this month. Just. From. One. Week. SIGH.

-Been so sleepy lately. But only in the day time. Isn't that great? Up all night and sleeping all day. I'm going to admit to being depressed about my "job." And a dip in sales from my jewelry biz. Yep. I'm depressed.

Lilac Breasted Roller- Ink/markers on bristol board

-I put "job" in quotations because I don't work unless I have students. And I don't have students. Haven't had students since March. I'm rather depressed about that. I've done everything they tell me to do with "marketing" and it's not working. I could go on a huge rant but I won't. You never know who will find my blog :P Did I say I'm depressed?

-I woke up to a parking ticket. I forgot it was street sweeping day today and left my car in the street. So, when I finally managed to get out of bed, shower, and leave the house at 4pm, there was a nice, pale yellow piece of paper on my windshield demanding money from me. Well, get in line buddy :P

-There's a magazine I submit to regularly. I've been in almost every issue. I missed the last deadline (TODAY)... I know it's not a big deal but... well... it kind of is... to me anyway.

Ostrich Egg Shell Beads. WANT

-The only thing keeping me sane is this project I have in mind. It's a great project. I got a lot of work done on it two weeks ago. And I started it back up last night but I can't really say anything about it because I don't want to jinx it. But, it has something to do with jewelry. So that makes me happy.

 -Oh. The boyfriend got a car two days ago. So he's not so stressed out anymore. And he's keeping me together.

-Espresso helps as well.

I found this lovely article on 15 things we need to give up to be happy. It's a great article. I hope I can apply this to my life because posts like these are terribly depressing. I would much rather be doing... oh I dunno... a silk sari ribbon giveaway...

Say... now there's an idea :P Come back tomorrow!

Stressed and Depressed

Some people lose weight when they're stressed out. I gain. Even if I have no appetite. Even if I don't eat the whole day... I gain.

Some people sleep more when they're anxious about something. I wake up in the middle of the night. Or can't sleep for days.

I haven't heard back about my two job interviews. Both seemed to have gone really well. One job will get me back to what I was making at Borders... maybe even more. The other would be so rewarding and fun.

For two nights now, I've bolted upright in the middle of a dream... woken up several times during the night with my heart racing. Bad dreams, my boyfriend thinks. But when I wake up, my mind goes to money problems, disappointing people with my lateness, or wondering how we're going to get through the next few days. And then I can't fall asleep for a while... and once I do, it's only for an hour before it happens again.

Unbelievably stressed out and I don't understand why it comes in spurts. Most days, I'm fine. Most days, I can deal with the pressure and the unknown but sometimes, whether for days or weeks, I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. My hair falls out. I'm just a wreck.

But my problems aren't worse than they were... they just seem worse. I'm still in the same place I was in September- unemployed. The bills are the same. Everything... the same. I just can't figure it out.

Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough to find a job. Perhaps people don't want to employ an ex-GM as an underling. Blah.

Sorry to be so depressing. On the bright side, I'm working on something pink. I can't possibly stay depressed while working on pink things.