Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 16

There are no curtains on my window... cuz I'm lazy :P Here's my reflection!

My fingers hurt from bending wire... AND I need more wire. Lol. Busy me!

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 15

I forgot to post my self-portrait yesterday. Sorrrrry!!!

So. Its been about 5 weeks since I was laid off.

The picture on the left is the week before I was laid off and the picture on the right is from today. I'm very tired. I just opened my severance check and it is so not what I was expecting. So much so I just want to go down to Borders and give them a piece of my mind but what can I do? Taxes... I only worked there for 2 years... blah blah blah.

So. Just like the week I posted the picture on the left, I'm going to post 5 things about myself:

1) My hair is easily detangled. One of the perks of thin hair.
2) I love things that fit in my pocket (like... mini tea sets! though, I don't have one right now... I used to... when I was a wee lass). I wish more girl pants had pockets in them.
3) My feet are almost never cold. I'm very warm most of the time... (I'm told its cuz I'm fluffy :))
4) I could probably eat spaghetti every night for dinner... at least for a week before I got sick of it.
5) I type with purpose. And, at the max, 90 WPM.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 14

My allergy medicine makes me feel funny. I got non-drowsy to AVOID this funny feeling. O_o

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 13

Sleepy Sunday.

Took this picture at 6:30AM. Why? Because that's when I woke up and thought "Hey, I should do that self-portrait blog thing that I said I'd do every week on Sundays..." Then I fell back asleep. Because I was sleepy. Duh. :P

Earring post to come... as soon as I get home (I'm currently at Corner Bakery).

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 12

Tired and grumpy. Humph.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 11

I'm told... when I smile... sometimes... I look like a "Wallace and Gromit" character...



What do you think? :P

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 10

I lost my job this past week. I have mentioned it briefly but, for my own sanity, I need to dedicate an entire post to it. So here's my story:

I was a shelver, bookseller, kids expert, merchandising supervisor, and "Sales Account Representative" (school orders). And now, I am a former Borders employee... laid-off because my current two positions (merch sup/SAR) were no longer available.

I started at Borders in October of 2007. At the time, I was still going to art school and needed some extra money. I started as an overnight shelver. I would go to school in the morning, sleep for a few hours, work from 10pm to 7am (sometimes 6am), drive to school, sleep in my car or do some homework, then go to class. I would fit in eating when I had time.

The night shelving crew was moved to day because it was costly to have an overnight crew (they re-instated the overnight crew a few months after that decision was made). Sometime after, my mother told me that, even though she said she had money for my tuition that year, she apparently didn't and the money was going to my sister (she's going to become an RN, my mom says). I was angry... I was frustrated. I dropped out. Went to full-time.

Fast forward to late 2009. Our district manager left and my general manager was asked to fill in until they found a replacement. That meant a key-holder position was available. I wanted to be the Inventory Supervisor. I left a message with my general manager, but he promoted someone who joined the team after me... and I was told he didn't get my message. I was told that I was just as good and the decision was actually up to the previous district manager. I bought it... afterall, why would he lie? He's a good man.

I heard a rumor of a children's expert position becoming available. I was currently shelving kids. I learned the product because I liked it. And I like children. So I waited for the position to be posted so I could apply. I was already the person people turned to with their kids questions. But the interim general manager asked me to become another key holder since another manager had left. I took it. And that same week, after I agreed to the be another key holder, the children's expert position was posted.

I was also helping Tony with the school orders, but it wasn't really my job. He left late last year to go back to school and the task fell on me. I was told that they would probably hire a new SAR, but that never happened.

I was also still a kids expert. I still did the kids parties. I shelved. I merched. We were all doing multiple jobs. We kind of had to (and those still there still have to... even more so with the recent lay-offs).

Fast forward to March 4th. We were called in for training. The day was originally going to be me and Rod's day-off. And our general manager says he didn't even know we were being let go until the night before. I so desperately want to believe him. He was always so nice. I was lucky to have so many cool managers at this job. But, it still hurts.

I feel embarrassed. I went in to the work that morning making mental notes on who to contact for an upcoming teacher event. I was day-dreaming about the vacation we had coming up in April. I was wondering if Rod and I would be able to have lunch together.

I hadn't been in for more than half an hour when I heard the words "Your position is no longer available here at Borders." I tried not to cry because he told me not to panic because it wasn't all bad, but I did. And when he said he wasn't going to walk me out because he didn't want to embarrass me, I sobbed when he walked away. Sobbed. I thought I was a valuable asset to the company. I mean, my school orders were sometimes close to $10,000. And I thought I was a good part of the merch team. And maybe those things were true, but it doesn't help now.

I was let go because the two positions I didn't even want in the first place but took in order to move up in the company were no longer available. And the one I originally wanted... the inventory supervisor position, is still there. And the person who ultimately became the childrens expert no longer has those hours as the position doesn't really exist anymore but she can still be a bookseller.

It sucks. It hurts. I loved all the people I worked with. I had so many good memories. I met my love there... grew... became independent... learned to pick myself up when I fell. That was my home. And I feel like I was kicked out...

I don't want to be sad anymore. I will try to make this the last time I mention this in my life. I will probably fail, but hopefully it will get easier with time.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 9

My friend posted a picture on Facebook of Marilyn Monroe in a bathing suit. And you know what? She was not a twig. That made me smile.

I certainly am not a twig. I'm closer to a tree trunk than a twig. But I want to believe that I'm beautiful. My boyfriend says I am. My mom says that there is no such thing as an ugly person (physically, she means... my mom made that point clear- there ARE ugly spirited people). My dad, though he does say that I'm fat, says that I'm pretty. Why is it so hard for me to see it?

I am going to love myself a little bit more. I think that I can be pretty. I don't wear make-up but I think I can still be pretty without it.

I'm going to close with five things about myself that I think are beautiful:
1) My smile
2) I think I have a cute nose (that is obviously Filipino...hehehe)
3) um... my ears are... shaped... like... ears? Lol.
4) I have deep brown eyes. I like my eyes.
5) My hands. I know you can't see them, but they're pretty small. Not slender, but small. They match me. I'm small but not slender...

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 8

Before I start, I just want to say, I can't believe how much I miss the internet when it's not available at my house... A remodel of sorts is going on in the living room and the internet has been down at my place since LAST WEEK! I thought my cousins had given it up for Lent without telling me!!! Lol.

Ok. Now. On to my late picture. I was told, when I yawn, I look like a panda. So. Here is my best "yawn face." And there is Beckett... one of my Valentine's Day presents.

Me? Panda?... Maaaaybe.... Haha.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 7

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

I'm wearing the jewelry I made last night, but I think maybe I should have a longer necklace... hmm.

Anyhoo, I've discovered I like smiling, but when I smile big, my cheeks get bigger! (DUH ROSE!) But, I dont like it. Lol. I need to learn to accept it.

Ok. My Valentine is waiting for me. Tomorrow, I'll show you what I got him! :D

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 6

I missed last week. I took a picture but just didn't have the will to blog about it.

This is the picture I took. I'd been crying quite a bit and you can just make out the bruise I apparently gave myself on the bridge of my nose from squeezing my face while I cried. It was an interesting week and has continued on into this past week. A lot of unwanted drama and hurtful words exchanged. I will end with this. My life is my life. No matter how much I want to do for others, if I do not and am not able to take care of myself, I cannot help anyone. I wish other people could see that.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 4

So, of course yesterday, after being sick in bed the whole day, I couldn't sleep! I sketched these out at around 2am this morning. It's how I see myself.

I'm told I don't have quite as big a face as I draw. Or a double chin that is as noticeable as those in my drawings... but when one does a self-portrait, sometimes they focus on what they don't like and highlight it. At least, that's what I do. These sketches were drawn with pen in my little sketchbook (little meaning 4"x6" maybe...). I wonder. Each sketch is different, but each is me. Do you think so?

This self-portrait project is fun. And I'm glad I'm doing it because its forcing me to post at least once a week. And that's good, I think. Keeps me on track and reminding me that I have an art/jewelry blog and need to keep at it!

I did a semi-autobiographical comic once... I wonder if I should give that a go again. It was fun.

Sleep calls... hopefully some new jewelry next post!

<3

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 3

I cut my own hair (for the first time since I was like 5) this week. I had one of those days on Thursday where I just wanted to hide under my covers until Friday, and I did. And when Friday came along, I found myself to have survived what had gone on and just took a pair of scissors and lopped off the hair.

It's not really a new start. I've had plenty of those. But its kind of a reminder that I am fully capable of doing things myself. Even something as silly has a haircut.

BTW- That diet I had planned for myself? PLLBBTTT! (is that the proper "raspberry sound effect" spelling?) Our fridge is broken. How can I store healthy food without a cooling unit? Oh well. :P

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 2

I'm not gonna lie. My job leaves me feeling drained and cranky... angry at humanity for treating me and the rest of the managers and booksellers like we aren't people. Like we exist to serve them... and are able to discount the world for them. Perhaps living in southern Orange County (home of the "Real House Wives of Orange County") makes my customers feel more entitled, but ugh. Really? "I want a damage discount on this book because it's the last one on the shelf."

After work, usually, I go home and nap. And nap. Dreaming of beautiful things. And this week's picture is me after my nap (hand carefully placed to block part of my double chin :P).

I almost didn't post a picture. Thinking "Ugh. I just want this day to be over." But. Blogging/journaling makes me feel better. Just like beading... painting... drawing. Reading a good book. Snuggling.

I started keeping a regular journal. I've tried doing it in the past only to just give up after a week or two. This journal I keep is a bit different. I write down all the positive things that have happened to me that day. Today will be no different. Because, no matter how crappy the customers are at work, there are still those customers who make you laugh and feel like you're doing a good job. And there are highlights to my day that have nothing to do with Miss Cranky-Pants Customer... the kind of person who can just ruin your shift.

One thing about today I will share with you: I found a book of puppies. Just a simple bargain book with nothing but Labrador Retriever puppies being weighed. And it made me smile. Because I love puppies.

Who is "Ahtee?"- Week 1

I read somewhere some bloggers did a project that lasted the whole year--- post a new self-portrait every week for 52 weeks. I am going to attempt it. I thought it would be fun and interesting to see if there's a change (that's me on the left there... hello).

5 Random Things about Me
1) I have very thin hair that I am very self concious about. I bleached my hair to death in high school and now am left with hair that my mother likes to comment on- "Are you going bald?"

2) See my eyebrows? They're triangles. And I like 'em. I used to wax and tweeze but only because people made fun of my eyebrows... but I think now they're kinda unique. A little bushy, but eh.

3) I'm told my laugh is a good one. But sometimes, people look at me funny when I laugh... because I laugh loud.

4) I can't remember a time when I didn't have bags under my eyes. I work hard. I stay up late. And it seems I'm always lacking sleep. Oh, I love sleep, but I rarely get the recommended 8 hours of sleep a night.

5) My hair in this picture (and most pictures) looks black. But in the sun, its brown. A pretty light brown compared to the black in the picture. But that's only on a sunny day. I wonder why that is.